


Three Silly Historical AU Drabbles

by shes_gone



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - 1980s, Alternate Universe - Historical, Blow Jobs, Frankenstien, Genderbending, Jem (and the Holograms), M/M, Ridiculous, Vikings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-02-12
Updated: 2012-02-12
Packaged: 2017-11-18 16:13:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/562936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shes_gone/pseuds/shes_gone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three silly historical AU drabbles to celebrate the opening of <span class="ljuser i-ljuser"></span><a href="http://merlin-games.livejournal.com/profile"><img class="i-ljuser-userhead"/></a><a class="i-ljuser-username" href="http://merlin-games.livejournal.com/"></a><b>merlin_games</b> 2012.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Three Silly Historical AU Drabbles

**Author's Note:**

> All are unbeta'd and, more to the point, all are completely ridiculous. :D

**Glamour and Glitter, Fashion and Fame**  
 _L.A., 1987_  
664 words, R  
  
Arthur waited backstage, in danger of sweating all the way through both his t-shirt and his white sport coat. He had a blister where his new loafers had been rubbing all day, but more annoying was how stupidly nervous he felt. Arthur didn't _get_ nervous, especially not over something as mundane as meeting his newest artist, but—there was something about this one. He fiddled with his Ray-Bans and then shoved them up into his hair, wishing he'd left them in the car.

At the sound of approaching footsteps, Arthur startled and then tried to look cool, leaning against a very large speaker. "Hello, Jem," he said, pitching his voice low, as the footsteps rounded the corner.

But it wasn't Jem. Arthur felt his eyes go wide.

"Arthur!" Merlin squeaked. "What are you—what are you _doing_ here?"

Arthur was speechless, taking in Merlin's low-cut pink mini-dress and towering high heels. The hair on his forehead and by his ears was damp with sweat, as if _he_ were the one who had just finished a two-hour concert, not—"Jem," Arthur finally croaked. "Business."

Merlin gaped. "Oh fuck, are _you_ the new producer?"

Arthur managed a nod.

Merlin stared some more, and then swore under his breath. With a resigned sigh, his hand went to his ear, gripping at a large star-shaped earring. "Showtime, Kilgharrah," he said, and suddenly his appearance flickered, and then he—and then he was Jem. His chest inflated, his legs went smooth, and his hair grew enormous and light pink.

Arthur couldn't breathe, and his linen pants were suddenly too small in the crotch. "I don't—" he said. "Is this magic?"

"Not exactly," Jem said, in Merlin's voice. "It's the work of my holographic computer, Kilgharrah."

"Your what?"

"She was built by my father to be the ultimate audio-visual entertainment synthesizer." Merlin looked away. "He was the last of Synthesizer Lords. And now it's up to me to carry on his legacy."

"How does it work?" Arthur asked, breathless.

"It's the earrings," Merlin said. "They're how I connect with her, and how she projects the hologram."

"Can I—" Arthur said, stepping forward.

Merlin nodded, his waves of pink hair rustling. "Sure."

Arthur came in close, and eyed the earrings curiously. Merlin tilted his head so Arthur could get a better look, exposing the long cords of his neck. Arthur's mouth went dry. This close, he could almost make out Merlin's Adams apple, blurry and faint beneath the hologram.

"You can touch it," Merlin said, and Arthur's eyes snapped to his. "No one can control Kilgharrah but me, so you won't mess it up." Arthur blinked, realising Merlin had only meant touching his earring.

"So if you're here," Arthur said, as he reached unsteady fingers through the hair hanging over Merlin's ear, "who's watching those orphans you're always after me to help take care of?"

"Lance knows my secret," Merlin admitted. "He helps out on nights when I have a show."

Arthur looked at Merlin sharply. "Lance?" he asked, as something a lot like jealousy twisted through him.

"Yes," Merlin said, frowning through his glittery Jem makeup. "He's wonderful with them, and very responsible. Don't worry, the orphans are always my first priority."

"And is he wonderful with you?" Arthur asked, nearly growling as his other hand settled on Merlin's waist.

Merlin blinked, eyes wide. "I suppose," he said. "Yes. But not like—we're not—" Merlin's hand slid over Arthur's, sweaty and a little shaky.

Arthur smiled. "Turn it off," he said. "I want to see you."

Merlin swallowed. "Grip my earring," he instructed, and Arthur tightened his thumb and forefinger against it. "Show's over, Kilgharrah," Merlin said, voice gone thin and raspy, and then he was himself again, big-earred and skinny, and with a very obvious erection tenting his mini-skirt.

"Merlin," Arthur groaned, his prick aching, "you're outrageous. Truly, truly, truly outrageous," and Merlin laughed as Arthur crowded him up against the large speaker and kissed him.

For anyone unfamiliar: [the Jem theme song & opening sequence](http://youtu.be/20BZID081Vk)  
And, because this is the funniest thing I've found on the internet in a long time: [A "new version" of the Jem theme](http://youtu.be/G-2Fi_mDTGI)

 

 **Merlinstein**  
 _somewhere remote, in the past_  
277 words, NC-17  
  
"Gaius, quickly!" Doctor Merlinstein called to his hunch-backed lab assistant. "Turn that knob!! It's very nearly time!" Gaius lumbered across the room to do as he was told.

Thunder crashed outside the castle. Merlinstein gleefully flipped on the final circuits of his machine; its lights began flashing alongside the lightning. He pulled off the sheet covering his creation, and paused to run a tender hand over its fair-haired brow. "My king," he whispered. "It will work this time. I am sure of it." The body on the table did not move.

Merlinstein stepped back and cranked the chain that lifted the table and all its circuitry up, up, up, through the opening in the ceiling, up into the raging storm.

Merlinstein waited as long as his patience could stand, then hastily cranked it back down and rushed forward.

At first there was nothing, just a carefully crafted arm hanging off the side of the table. But then one of its fingers twitched, and then another.

"Look!" Merlinstein gasped. "He's moving. He's alive." The arm jerked up. Merlinstein grabbed it and clutched it to his chest. "He's alive, HE'S ALIVE!!!"

_~The Next Day~_

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Merlinstein groaned as Arthur lurched forward, reaching for his trousers yet again. "I created you because we need a king! You're meant to rule, to unite Albion, not just—oh _god_." Between his legs, his monster had found his cock, and was happily slurping on it with a skill that had Merlinstein wondering about the previous owner of this brain. "Oh, all right, just—just one more time," he muttered, nudging his hips up a bit. "But then we're getting straight to work!"

 

And of course:

 **[Skol, Vikings](http://youtu.be/9bVNEOEvAEU)**  
 _Northern England, 865_  
215 words, G  
  
Gaius sat still, waiting. He could have tried to escape many times over the last hour, but he hadn't. The Danes had arrived, and they weren't leaving anytime soon, and Gaius knew what happened to those who resisted. Perhaps they'd be merciful, if he played along.

There were sounds outside his small home, gruff words in a language Gaius didn't speak, and he looked up when someone came in.

The person who entered was both familiar and not. Gaius recognised his face; he'd been following close behind their leader, their jarl, ever since they'd climbed out of their boats. Gaius hadn't seen him do much fighting himself, but he had always been nearby, offering pillage-and-plunder advice and seeing that the jarl's orders were carried out. When his eyes had fallen on Gaius an hour ago, just as it had started to rain, something sparked in them that had earned Gaius an escort home and a grunted—but nonetheless clear—instruction to stay put.

But now, having removed the long fur cloak he'd worn all day, which had covered everything but his shoes as he walked, this man wasn't at all what Gaius had expected. Gaius' throat went dry.

Perhaps, he thought—perhaps playing nice with the Vikings wasn't going to be so bad after all.

  
  



End file.
